10 things I've learned, and plan to continue

So its my last day in Japan, and I have had an amazing and relaxing time. My only regret is that I ate WAY too much, and now I basically have to cut out everything delicious when I get home. Wah. But being here has also given me time to reflect on a few things. The awesome 4 year party (college) is coming to a close end and I think we all go through this constant battle between "What the fuck am I doing with my life" and "We're still young, we've got time!". As everything is ending, I feel like everything is beginning. And then sometimes I feel like I'm just stuck in the middle in the unknown. So I thought I would list out a few things I could work on in the next new beginnings of my life, in no particular order, and hopefully this gives me peace of mind or something...

1. Don't be jealous of others, instead work on being the best you can be.
I struggle with this a lot. I'll be Facebook stalking (per usual) and I see people who are going to grad school, landed an awesome job, got engaged, traveling the world, being with their boyfriends 24/7 etc. And sometimes i can't help but just wish my life would be just like theres. And then I go into this mind whirl of "Damn, I should have done that internship..." or "I should've studied harder and gotten better grades in college..." "& that's why I've got nothing going for me...."It's a constant battle and I'm finally just SICK of this negativity. I need to not wallow in others successes, but rather learn to, from the bottom of your heart, to be happy for them (unless they are a nasty person, then they can go screw themselves). Because if you can truly be happy for another person, you will feel 1000 times better than you would if you were to just sit here and bitch about how you wish your life was like theres. However, I think the most important part of all of this is to be the best YOU you can be. Don't compare yourself to others, because you will never be satisfied. Instead, set a goal, for yourself, and concentrate on that. I've learned with even the smallest details of my life, if I learn to love myself for who I am and what God blesses me with, I can live a very very VERY happy life. As my boy Will would say,

" Throughout life people will make you mad

Disrespect you and treat you bad

Let God deal with the things they do

Cause hate in your heart will consume you too"

2. Be Active. Don't be lazy.

Sometimes I just want to lay around the house, go on Facebook, watch a movie, sleep, and basically do nothing with my life. Although, this is really awesome when you've had a long day, you can't be doing this more often than you are not (if that makes sense). And honestly, it's not that hard. I always find it that the act of GOING to the gym/getting out of the house is the hardest part, and once you are out, you realize it's a piece of cake! SO I want to try to get off my ass more often, go out, and BE ACTIVE! I also am planning on doing this fantastic Lauren Conrad Bikini Boot Camp, feel free to join me! It's going to be tough but we can all motivate each other. 

3. Kill people with kindness, because God is watching (in a good way!)

This is something that I've sort of picked up for a few years now. I first picked it up because I constantly found myself being disappointed in my friends because I felt like I did so much for them, yet I wouldn't receive the equivalent from them, and I just felt so unappreciated. I contemplated just being a mean bitchy person because what was the point? But after some deep talks with my mom and Nathan, I realized that was not the right way to live. So I've learned to just be kind, do things for the people I love with out being asked, and to not ask for anything in return. I firmly believe that if you do, even if that person you did a nice deed for doesn't do anything for you, some how that kindness/goodness will be returned back to you, in some shape or form because God is watching, and he's not going to ignore good deeds. I trust in Him. :)

4. Don't be discouraged if you start small, hard work WILL pay off. 

So I got a job, a really AWESOME job, but it's not going to be paying TONS and I probably will have to pick up a 2nd job if I want to be living on my own soon. And yeah, it's kind of a downer when I see myself as a UCLA graduate, and not have some high-paying, super human job. But as a lot of my mentors have told me, it's NOT the end of the world. And as I look at it now, it really isn't. I've been given an opportunity to grow within a company, and although I'm starting from the bottom, AT LEAST I'm starting! And I am so excited for everything I will be learning in the business. And I think our society has been raised in this environment that pleads for instant gratification, when really, nothing that you get immediately, is actually worth it. Not just with a job, but even when it comes to fitness, I know for a fact I won't be seeing results in a week. It's going to take months to even see the slightest results, but I won't give up. Because by not giving up, in the end, I will see results and that day is going to be AWESOME!!!!!

5. Appreciate what you have.

I think so often we WANT too many things. Whether its the latest and greatest Mac product, or a boyfriend, or more money, whatever it is, it's not worth beating yourself up over. Rather, take a step back from your "crazy busy" life, and look at what you already have in possession. In my case, I have parents who, as much as I complain about them, pretty much do everything for me, a boyfriend who, although is thousands of miles away, treats me like a PRINCESS (spoils me to the core), friends who I can talk to about anything, a roof over my head, a college education, a positive attitude, a dream, and best of all, I've found love in more ways and forms than most people will ever in their entire lives. Whenever I feel like complaining (which we are human, it's weirder if you don't), I just remember and appreciate that long list of happinesses I have, and it makes me feel much, much better. 

6. Be vulnerable.

The easiest way to live, is to guard yourself from any kind of painful experience, and live that okay "safe" life. But some of the best life lessons I've learned happened because I let myself be hurt. One of the biggest lessons I've learned is with relationships. Back in high school, I had a boyfriend who I believed that I was absolutely in love with. And with that, I decided that he was the most important person in my life, and I ditched all of my friends, to be with him 24/7. And guess what, he dumped me. And I remember as soon as it happened, I did not know who to lean on anymore. I had no one. And I felt a kind of loneliness that can only be learned through that experience. And after that, I vowed to never ditch my friends for a boy, because boyfriends will come and go (until you find a decent one ;)), but friends will/should be with you until the end. But, I wouldn't have understood any of this, until that one guy broke my heart. And as much as it sucked at the time, I am SO thankful for that experience because without that, I would not have realized how truly blessed I am to have the friends that I do. So let people hurt you. Let people inspire you. Let people need you. Let people love you. You will thank yourself later.

7. Admit it if you're wrong, and be willing to learn.

I've always acted like a know it all and I'm finally starting to see what a snob I sound like! And I think Nathan knows this best, but whenever I would say something distasteful or state the facts wrong, I would NEVER admit it. I'd just make up an excuse or just say, "whatever." Well guess what, it just makes you sound like a total BETCH. So when I'm wrong, I will admit it, even if it makes me feel so stupid. But instead of just feeling dumb, I want to be able to learn from my mistakes. Because even if you made that one mistake, at least you learned one thing new :)

8. Don't hate the ignorant, instead have the courage to teach them.

In college, I've heard some people make some of the most ignorant comments. There are so many social topics that in my mind, are super obvious, but to others, they have no idea. Things like, "You're asian, you should know." or "Internment wasn't that bad, it was a necessary evil." or people who use the word "Jap. and one that I've recently stopped using, "that's so gay." I could name a whole list of others, but you get the point. Instead of clenching your fist and puffing steam out of your ears, look at these people as students who need to be educated. These people may have said some cruel things, but at the same time, you have no idea where they came from. Maybe they were never given the opportunity to learn. Maybe they have a story to tell as well. So don't judge, but instead, have the courage to tell them another way to see the picture. You never know, maybe you'll change their mind about things. But as a disclaimer of sorts, not EVERYONE is willing to change. A lot of people will stay very stubborn about  how they feel and that's when you just have to realize, "different strokes for different folks". 

9. Take lots of pictures (and videos)

This one kind of seems silly, but I think years from now, I am going to be so happy looking at the 100's of pictures I have with all of my friends and family because it's how we'll remember things. But recently, I've realized, more than pictures, I LOVE watching videos (especially of me and Nathan) because we can see expressions, and verbal exchanges, and just us being us. Even if Nathan hates it, I will always have a video camera with me wherever we go!

10. Your life is going to change, revel in it. 

Looking back in just the last 4 years of my life, there are SO many things that have changed. The things I expected to happen took a 180 degree turn. But at the same time, some of the most unexpected blessings have showed themselves into my life. One of the greatest quotes an amazing mother once told me was, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." And I've realized this statement couldn't be truer. Expectations are bound to change, but that's okay. Actually, it's better than okay, it makes life exciting. Friends will come, and friends will also go. So often I've had people in my life, who at the time, I thought were my BEST friends even future brides maids, but then a few months go by, and friendships dissolve, and then you realize you have no idea what they are even doing with their lives & that's OKAY. Because at our age, that's what happens. But in the end, the good ones will stay, and that's when you know who your true friends are. God has a plan for you, a pretty gosh darn good one, but you can't map it out, you just have to trust that He'll show you the right way. Life is full of walls and sharp turns. You'll be heading towards success and Bam you hit a wall. The key is to get right back up and take that left or right turn. And sooner or later, you'll look back at all your curvy path and thank God you never gave up. 

So these are just a few things that I've thought of for myself, they may work for some others, may not. But these are some of the most important life lessons that I know I will carry on for the rest of my life. And maybe its the fear of the unknown that's making me write this essay of sorts, but who cares. It's something that will motivate me, and that's what I need most. 

So so so much love and Semper Fi <3

Dear deployment

Dear Deployment,

Go fuck yourself.
Hard.

Love,
Sara

P.S.
I hate you.

Military movies galore!

Just finished watching 2 military movies. The Lucky One & Act of Valor. Needless to say, my heart feels heavy. But in a way, these movies are very therapeutic. It makes me feel more connected to Nathan, even though we are so far apart. It's the weirdest feeling not knowing what he is doing. All I can go off of is faith, and some days its the hardest thing to do.
At the end of the movie Act of Valor, they had a poem by Tecumseh which I thought was very moving and I thought I'd share.

Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. 
Trouble no one about his religion. 
Respect others in their views and demand that they respect yours. 
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. 
Seek to make your life long and of service to your people. 
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. 
Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, 
or even a stranger, if in a lonely place. 
Show respect to all people, but grovel to none. 
When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, 
for your life, for your strength. 
Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. 
If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself. 
Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools 
and robs the spirit of its vision. 
When your time comes to die, 
be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, 
so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time 
to live their lives over again in a different way. 
Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.
—  Tecumseh, Shawnee Chief

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In Japan!

I'm in Japan for 2 weeks! A great graduation vacation :) It's been really nice here, the weather is great, aside from the random rain today. The food is great, and of course, the best part is being able to hang out with my grandma. I wish everyone could meet her, we are literally twins in every way.

I don't know if its just being really far away from home, or just not knowing the safety of Nathan, but I find myself literally thinking about him every second of the day. During the day I constantly wonder what he is doing, if he's thinking of me, if he's safe. I can't help but think just terrible situations, and I try to just take my mind off of it by doing other things, but its so incredibly hard.
The dreams are the worst.
On one hand, it's great, I get to see him in my dreams and sometimes I just wish my dreams would never end. But on the other hand, it just makes me realize he is so far away, and I haven't even been able to give him a hug in 3 months. I'm not one to complain a lot about relationships. Most days, I try to tell myself being sad is not going to make this deployment go by any faster. It would probably make it feel longer than it actually is. But it really IS hard. And I am so thankful for all my friends who give me encouraging words. I understand when my friends say, "I could never do what you do." I think they mean it as a compliment, that I'm a strong person, maybe stronger than they are. But when I hear that, it just makes me think, "Well, it's not like i WANT to do this!" I would trade ANYTHING in the world right now, just to be able to hold Nathan's hand. That's all. Lately, all I do is just look through pictures, watch videos of him, read emails, but it's just not enough. I want new memories with him. & most days, I just feel like dropping to the floor, flailing my arms, and just balling my eyes out (which I probably have done and THANK GOD I have such amazing girlfriends who put up with it.) But i really do try to stay strong. Because what else can a girl do?
Praying really helps. I feel like God is trying to reassure me, to keep my sanity, but I still can't help but feel lonely. I mean, deployment or not, who the hell wants to be torn apart from their boyfriend, barely communicate, AND worry about their safety? & it's inevitable for me to feel jealous and envious of girls who have their boyfriends in such close vicinity. It's so hard though, to realize what an amazing thing you have in front of you, until it's stripped away from you. But of course, I know I should feel lucky to even have such an amazing guy.
And I think I struggle with what a lot of girls going through deployment go through, and that's the feeling of appreciation. I mean part of the whole process and the challenge is that, we can't be their #1 priority and they won't be able to put as much effort into the relationship as they could if they were here in the states (well I guess for me when I'm back home). We get it. But still, theres a little part of us that just wishes they could send that extra email, or surprise us with some flowers, or even dedicate a facebook status to us. It's that small flame that keeps the fire going. Because as cruel as it sounds, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one feeding the fire. And it's a really crappy feeling when you feel like you're the only one in the relationship. Because you yourself end up being the person that is comforting you. I mean in the end, you truly learn independence, what life is like by yourself, and being okay, with being by yourself. And that's something I am very grateful for. I've learned so much, not just in the last 3 months, but in the last 3 years. As most of you know, Nathan and I have been long distance practically our entire relationship. So we've definitely had our fair share of challenges when it comes to dealing with it. But we realized how important we are to each other and how strong our love is. And I know it, I really do, but the loneliness often times prevails over my strength, and I end up just crying. And as much as I cry ALL the time, I really really hate crying. I hate showing that I'm vulnerable and weak, but I guess that's kind of difficult when you are someone who cares a lot (some times too much) about people.
I suppose the only thing that can truly "fix" all of this, is when he comes home. *sigh* I just wish that day would come sooner. My dreams as fulfilled as they are with me and him together, are starting to feel more and more sad and depressing. I just need the real thing. I just want to feel his lips on mine, and no that the hardest part in our relationship is over and that we can fully move forward. Because I just feel like we're on pause right now. :/

Ah, sorry for the depressing post, I don't really know what I'm looking for.. answers? advice? pity? haha Well, all and all, Japan is fantastic and I will try to post some pictures very soon :)

Lots of Love and Semper Fi <3

Can't even remember the last time I blogged!

Oh my goodness, it has been too long since the last time I blogged! SO much has happened, and so many good things at that!! Well, first of all, a few weeks ago we did a Care Package making party for the boys of 2/5. Instead of sending them to random boys in his unit, I decided to take down some names of some of his friends to send to, that way it was way more personal. I was really lucky, and was able to use the help of my sorority sisters in making 9 amazing packages for the boys. We had so much fun making the packages, writing letters, taking pictures! Such a great way to bond with the sisters and do something nice for the boys over seas.

Nathans fans! :)

Oh heyy boys!

Silly!

One of the many care packages we sent!

Packing it all up!

yums for their tums!

Tri Delta loves the boys of 2/5

So that was exciting! And then I got to go to STAGE COACH- the worlds greatest country music concert! I had an amazing weekends with an amazing group of girls, and literally fell in love SO MANY TIMES over the weekends. Blake Shelton, Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Brad Paisley, Justin Moore, Miranda Lambert, Sara Evans, Martina McBride, The Band Perry, Sheryl Crow.. just to name a few. :) Lots of boozing and relaxing, I can't wait for next year!

The girls for the weekend!

A MAZING stage

Take me back already...

Whoa derr!

Tri Delta <3

But one of the greatest things happened yesterday. Nathan FACETIMED ME! I saw my boyfriends face for the first time in 2 months!!! It was AMAZINGG!!!!!!!! I was literally shaking while I was talking to him. Who would have thought, just seeing someones face moving would make you THIS happy!! Ahh, he is truly SO SO gorgeous!!

the LOVE OF MY LIFE!

Another fun thing I did was a sushi making party with 2 of my girlfriends, and we also did home made shabu shabu. I love doing cooking parties because 1. it's ALWAYS cheaper than going out for food, 2. COOKING IS FUN! 3. fun bonding experience. Then we watched "We Bought a Zoo" AND let me tell you, get some kleenex if you are going to watch that movie. The last scene is the killer!!!

Shabu shabu in the middle! Sushi on the right

Sushi station!

Lastly, so I'm pretty dang proud of myself for the latest care package. So I decided to make this one, the super random but useful stuff package. :) I know he was saying he was kind of getting sick of the candy, so I tried to send him some substancial food and some things to add flavor to his meals. I enjoyed it very much making this one, because I felt like it was stuff that really mattered. AND I added the video that I made for him and of course our very first movie together :)

Literally, I spoil the kid

Hygeine kit!

Apple sauce! How cool!

entertainment :)

Flava flave!

All packed and ready to go!

And my nice check list as always!

Things have been pretty awesome lately, and I think it's because God is great, and he truly is blessing us all the time, to show us his love. :) Obviously, not every day is fun, most days I just wish my boyfriend was here with me, but I'm learning to adjust with it. Him being able to iMessage me for a few days is definitely making the last few days REALLY easy for me. It's just like old times :) I can't wait until he is finally home and we can start our lives together.

Lots of love and Semper Fi <3