2 months to go!! Prepping for Homecoming!

Wow, has time flown by lately! It's already mid July! Well, I guess it's summer time finally, and the weather has been great. Except today, this weird rain thing going on...

The time has come my friends... time to start getting ready for homecoming! I can't believe 4 1/2 months have passed since I've seen Nathan. It went by pretty quick, but looking back I've missed a lot of memories with him... Birthdays, Graduation, getting a job... some days are still pretty hard. But I'm definitely looking forward to that first moment I see him, and everything in the world is going to stop (or that's how I play it out in my mind).

Good thing Nathan doesn't take the time to read these (I mean I have a hard enough time asking him to respond to my Facebook posts to not make me sound like a crazy lady!), because I thought I'd write down some things that I'm going to do in preparation for his Homecoming!!

1. Gift Basket
So Operation Help a Hero is doing this really awesome thing where they are making little gift baskets for all the Marines coming back from Nathan's unit as a welcome home present, so I thought, why not make him a personal one! So far I have (either ideas or actually finished):

- A scrapbook with all our pictures from when he came home back to California and before he left
- On one of the pages of the scrapbook I am going to glue on his 2-year 24-hour fitness pass I am going to get him!! He's going to be STOKED!
- Suggestions to restaurants we've never tried yet, and want to visit in the OC and LA area
- Coupons: For a free massage, cooking dinner together, take you shopping you know... fun things like that ;)
- Snacks: This one I'm trying to think of some good snack ideas, since Nathan and I are trying to be more health conscious, so I don't want to put in candy...

Let me know if you have any more ideas!

2. Photographer
I think having a photographer with you the day of your homecoming is FANTASTIC because they will be able to capture that MOMENT when you first see each other. I am very blessed and have a friend's boyfriend who is an amazing photographer coming along to take pictures. But if that doesn't work out, if you have an awesome friend who doesn't mind tagging a long to take pictures, that's great too! We're also going to be doing a photoshoot in his dress blues! Since Nathan's getting out soon, it might be the last time he will be wearing his uniform! And what girl doesn't love a man in uniform ;)

3. Party!
Luckily, Nathan's mom loves throwing parties, so we'll be having a huge party in his honor. I think this is a great idea because it's a way for all your Marines friends and family to be in one place and celebrate his homecoming. I'm really excited because there are a few things I want at the party:

- Photobooth: This could totally be handmade, make-shift, just a cute backdrop where people can take pictures with your Marine! Makes for a cute scrapbook too.
- Guestbook: Maybe its the Wedding Planner in me, but I think this will be a great memory for him. Everyone can sign it, saying a nice "welcome home!" or even plans on what you look forward to doing together. It's something he can keep forever.
- Kareoke/DJ: This night is going to be FUN FUN FUN! Lots of dancing, singing...maybe some drinking? haha


4. Mental/Emotional Preparation
Not sure if I'm the only crazy, paranoid Marine girlfriend out there, but as much as I CANNOT wait for Nathan's homecoming, there is a part of me that's worried about our transition. Now, I've talked to a few people about it, and they have reassured me that things wil be fine, and I think it all comes down to patience. You have to realize that they have been gone for 7 months living in a place where they're lives are in danger every single day. A lot of times, they don't necessarily come home with PTSD, but just some traumatic stress. This includes anxiety, frustration, and sometimes depression. As a loved one, your main role is to be patient. Some days, everything is going to be fine, and you'll be doing the usual normal routine. And some days, he'll just break down, not want to talk to anyone, just wanting to be alone. I think the best thing is just to be there for them when they need you. And when they want space, give them space. Things will get better, you just have to remember that they love you so incredibly much, and you already made it through the hardest part! I definitely believe Nathan and I have become so much more mature as a couple through this deployment, and I know we can get through ANYTHING. :)

late night, and I'm tired

Do you ever have one of those nights where you just have so many thoughts and emotions running through your veins? Words, phrases, sentences, just keep swimming through your mind, and it's like they're attacking you.

I miss him. I do, I miss so much about him.
I miss the fact that I can't tell him how I can't sleep right now.
I miss his laugh, I miss him being angry, I miss him being a total jack ass.
And, and there's just so much. So much I want.
I want to tell him things that matter,
I want to tell him things that don't matter.
I want to tell him how my hair was a total mess today, and I don't even care that he doesn't care.
I just, want him next to me, holding my hand, like we're in high school, like we're young, when things were so new.
It's all just wanting, and missing, and everything.
Desire, and love. I love him.
I was driving today, and just had a brief moment of conscious meets subconscious.
I just thought, no I realized,
damn, I really love this man. Like truly, truly love this man.
Like the kind of love, that when you close your eyes, tears just start pouring.
And the love that drives you crazy, the love that makes you feel a million things, and you can't describe a single one in words.
It's feeling like someone grabbed your heart, and is squeezing it SO tight, yet you know you it's pure bliss.
And that you'd do anything for this guy, anything.
Sacrifices, being pissed, being happy, being sad, being tired.
Anything.
Because you love him, and you can see every future and every past.
Because you love him so fucking much.
I stay up late, I wake up early. Hoping you'd call.
I want to not miss you so much. I hate missing you.
Why can't we just fast forward time.
Why can't you just be in my arms.
I want to want to get sick of you, but I can't.
And I may never get sick of you.
I love you that fucking much.
But right now.
I just...
miss.
you.